The Perks of Insomnia.

I suppose should begin this post with a preface of how little I’ve slept in the past few evenings.  Over the last 72 hours I have slept for roughly 10.  I know what you’re most likely thinking – “shit man, you’re crazy” or perhaps “this is one hell of a busy man.”  You, my friend, would be wrong on both accounts.

I have a very touchy sleep pattern.  the slightest disruption will ruin my sleep for an entire evening.  Not so say that I need to sleep in complete silence and darkness, but I’m definitely not a bear that goes into an indefinite hibernation.

That being said, insomnia is generally viewed in a negative light.  The eye twitches, the jitters, the rambling and lack of concentration – all good points.  Sleep deprivation is actually said to be more dangerous that driving drunk (should you not believe me, check out this gem from 2000).  I believe, however, that insomnia can have very positive effect on your life, and can even save you money.

1. There’s so much more time in the day.

Think about how much time you waste sleeping.  If the average adult needs 8 hours of sleep per day they are, in essence, throwing away 1/3 of their day.  Couple this with mundane activities like using the rest room, cursing out drivers on the 405 for an hour, burning your dinner, and working that dead end job you thought was your ticket to fame and fortune and you are left with very little free time.  Why would you want to waste your time sleeping on your stained futon when you could be doing better things – namely watching chickflix on Netflix, or stalking high school classmates on Facebook.  It’s not at all creepy to send your not-so-secret-get-the-fuck-away-from-me crush online at 4:15am on a Tuesday.  The things you are missing out on.

2. Hallucinating fucking rocks.

Why dig sift cow dung and choke down a mushroom that reeks of something awful when you could simply stay awake for a week and have similar effects.  Want to see a delightful bunny scurry across the room and then mutate into a large fuming mad gazelle, ready to high kick you into the oblivion – just stay awake.  You know you’ve always wanted to live in a Dali painting.  And don’t worry, you won’t prang out – sleep will cure the effects!

3. Coffee is one of the most amazing drinks known to mankind.

Who doesn’t love a coffee shop?  Maybe the better question is who doesn’t love looking like the crazy strung out freak in the coffee shop looking for another double shot of expresso.  Thankfully the phrase, “sir/ma’am, I think you’ve had enough” doesn’t apply at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.  While this may not save you money, it will definitely be fun.  Try experimentally and order each item off the menu in under a week.  And hell, coffee is a hell of a lot cheaper than cocaine.

4. Butchering the English Language has never felt so good.

The first thing to go with insomnia is your command of the English Language.  Don’t worry, this isn’t a travesty, but rather a reason to play games that require a clear thought process.  That or attempt to write a blog.

You’ll eventually start using the incorrect suffixes, making plurals singulars, turning your verbs into adjectives (or visa versa), or creating massive run-on sentences that will baffle and delight those around you.  You earn big points if you work a job that requires verbal skills or troubleshooting.  The drier than normal jokes, calling out puns that don’t actually exist, and incessant talk of ’sleep’ will make you a delight to be around!

While it may seem bad it’s like many things in life – you can be a Debbie Downer and view the cup as half empty, or you can make the best of it, turn that frown upside down, and embrace the idiosyncratic behavior that will accompany your jitters, stomach/head ache, wandering mind, and Garfield-esk sleep patterns.

On that note, I think I’ll be skipping Monday.