An apology, of sorts, as well as a plan.

*Quick preface – while I normally write witty satire, I’m simply not in the mood today.  Great! Now that that’s out of the way, proceed with caution…

I dream big, and crash hard.  This is how my life has always been.  I had an idea for a website and brought this half-baked idea to actualization in a little under two weeks.  Impressive? Hardly.  A website without new and original content is a cesspool of broken dreams envisioned by people that lack the motivation to keep up with a project that was initially though of as a fun passion project.

That being said, I haven’t been bloging due to writers block, a lack of creativity, self-loathing, suicidal despair, or a feeling that I am above the site, but rather due to a set of goals and rewards that I have set-up for myself.  It’s interesting, though, as I have found out that I am the type of person who had difficulty eating the main course without dabbling in the dessert.

Motivation is a funny thing – I have it when it is unnecessary, and when push comes to shove I completely lack it.  I’m a paradox. I have difficulty understanding my own rationalities and reasonings for the things I do.

That being said, I’ve been trying to improve my life.  At some point throughout the last few months I realized that I’ve been living my life trying to impress those around me rather than living the kind of life that makes me happy.  I suppose I’m reaching for self-actualization through expression and moderation. 

Moderation is the key to life, I believe, and as such, I’ve been trying to examine where I have been living my life to excess. 

As a result, I have joined mint.com to try to gain control of my financial situation.  I was fairly astonished to see that I’m wasting most of my money on ‘food and dining.’  Upon further investigation, 42% of my spending happened at Ralphs (think Turkey Day),  33% at 7-11 (think beer, coffee, and other random shit I don’t need), and 14% on eating out.  This is the first place that I figure I need to practice moderation.

Moderation is difficult in America.  Our entire life we are taught to be capitalists.  Pulling back from this is going to take quite a bit of motivation, and knowing myself, I’ll need to make it competitive.  As a result, I’m going to try to see how many days I can go without spending money, and create a log of my spending – documenting how much I spend on a daily basis.

So now that I have a plan for my spending I figured that I would look inwardly.  I need to get healthy.  I know that New Years resolutions don’t work, but I’m going to make a valiant effort and document my progress.  The goals are simple – loose weight, gain muscle, drop habits that are negatively affecting my health.  December 15th I’ll begin to document my progress.

So the goals for next year – get a grip of my finances, get healthy, and lastly graduate.  I’m getting way too old for this shit.

So my tangent oriented brain has lacked the conciseness that many would like to see; however, this was intended as an update. A call to action, if you will.

We’re not done, just on hiatus, which for me ends today.